Yesterday as I hugged and kissed my kids, I couldn't help thinking about the moms in Oklahoma whose arms are empty, whose hearts are breaking. As I tucked my kids in bed, I thought of the mom who buried her 9-year-old daughter in the ground yesterday.
There's really no use in asking "why?" -- and yet the question rolls off the tongue as naturally as I take my next breath. Some things in life make no sense, but we humans try to reason them out anyway.
Just a free tornado image I found (not from May 20th)
I have tried to avoid reading too many words or viewing too images about the horrific storm and its aftermath, but I have always been drawn to people's stories. Add to that the fact that my very first job out of college was as a newspaper reporter in Norman, Oklahoma, a job that took me to Moore to cover events and meet people many times, and I couldn't help feeling compelled to learn a little more about the families who lost loved ones on Monday.
Twenty-four people lost their lives. Fourteen adults and ten children, two of them infants. No, it isn't many, but add to that another 200+ injured and 12,000 homes destroyed, and that's a lot of lives torn apart in a matter of minutes. And even though not as many died as originally feared, every one of those lives mattered.
I was sickened to read some of the comments under the news stories. Is this God's judgment? A democrat saying it's because people in the area are voting for the evil Republicans. A Christian saying it's because America is going to hell in a hand basket, ignoring God's laws and pushing Him out of our country. (Might I add that if God were trying to prove a point, punishing America for her many sins, I think He might pick another place in our dear country. The buckle of the Bible belt, really?) People who don't even believe in God saying if He is real, then He is cruel to allow this suffering.
That isn't the God I know and serve. I have been a Christian long enough to know that people can twist the words of Scripture to say whatever they want them to say. I also know that if we truly seek Him, not just our ideas about Him or who we want Him to be, and if we truly hide His Word in our hearts and try to live by it, then He reveals Himself. And He is love. Period.
Ann Voskamp put it beautifully:
"God has a heart. And it hurts. Not with just with a a few drops of ache, not just with a slow drip of sadness – His whole massive heart fills, swells, burns with this raw, relentless pain," she wrote.
"In the midst of the storm, all the emptiness of God floods with pain."
I remember feeling so disappointed when I found out that my husband's next duty station after Montana, where we met, would be in Oklahoma. I had lived in Montana almost all my life and wanted to see the world. But Oklahoma?
I soon found that Oklahomans are some of warmest, most caring people I'll ever meet. They know how to rally, they know how to care for each other, and they know how to love. As much as I didn't want to move there, after living there two years, I didn't want to leave. In fact, later we moved back and lived there another year and a half.
Sure, I have asked "why?" Why them, why now, why there, why ever? And today I believe He answered me from His Word:
"I know that You can do anything and no plan of Yours can be thwarted. You asked, 'Who is this who conceals My counsel with ignorance?' Surely I spoke about things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know. You said, 'Listen now, and I will speak. When I question you, you will inform Me.' I had heard rumors about You, but now my eyes have seen You. Therefore I take back my words and repent in dust and ashes." Job 42:2-6
I don't believe God is afraid of our questions, nor does He turn away from them. He welcomes them, welcomes us. He isn't insecure. Yet when we ask questions about things that are too big for anyone to understand, sometimes we must just make peace with the fact that He doesn't have to answer. His will never leads us where His grace cannot keep us. I pray for blessings, peace, and protection . . . and I trust His sovereignty when life doesn't make sense. He is God, He is good, He is love. Sometimes that is all I need to know.
Would that comfort me if a storm twisted through my town and claimed the lives of my babies? I honestly don't know. But I know what to do: I will pray. I will pray for peace and comfort for those families. I will pray that somehow, in His astounding and awesome way, He will use this tragedy to draw the people He loves closer to Him. He does that, you know. He alone turns sorrow into joy and mourning into dancing. He alone can reveal His heart to the hurting, healing hearts and lives while someone a thousand miles away rages that He could be so cruel.
Rage on, people. Rage on, storms. I know the God of the storm, the God who stores our tears in bottles and redeems our brokenness, making beauty from ashes. One day, hidden things will be revealed, all the holes life has made in the soul will be filled, and loved ones will be reunited. Do you know that, really know that, deep down? Do you know Him, know His heart? He is love, and His greatest call on our lives is to love Him with all our hearts, souls, minds, and strength and then to love others at least as much as we love ourselves. His love never fails.
Enjoy this beautiful song as you think about that: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WvgzjNb_X3Q